Vega’s Tail

I went out walking with my mum
And lots of dogs did sniff my bum
One came along and jumped on board
And all the people said, “Good Lord!”

They all agreed that I was fit
And every one wanted a bit
They even tried to hump my head
Why couldn’t they just play instead?

There was not even a reason
It’s not like I am in season
There’ll be no puppies, ’cause you see
There’s someone else lined up for me

A dashing stud for when I’m two
I’m breeding stock, not destined to
Be impregnated by a dude
So we went home and had some food

But perhaps later, we just may
Be taken out by our dad, Grae
And we’ll make sure he won’t get stuck
Up to his knees in smelly muck!


Poor little puppy

Poor little puppy,
we’ll get you fixed yet.
We’ll just take a quick
little trip to the vet.
She’ll treat you so gently
and feed you some yum,
and when you’re not looking
she’ll check out your bum.
Thermometer in
and you’re doing okay.
just squirming a bit,
but you haven’t run away.
All done and you’re fine,
even though you look shocked.
She then checks your tummy
and says you need walked,
or fed a bit less,
’cause you’re overweight.
But you’re hours in the forest,
so guess that’s no steak!
She gives us some stuff
to squirt down your throat
to bind you up firmly
and keep clean your coat.
You’ll soon feel much better,
and ready to play,
but you’ll probably be hungry
for a couple of days.

Haiku looking after her big sister, Vega
Haiku looking after her big sister, Vega

Mother of the Bride

“Are you free on this date, Mum?”
She sprung it on me thus.
“Save the date!” She texted me.
“But please don’t make a fuss.”

I’m going to be a mum-in-law,
much sooner than I thought.
The big day is three months away,
and my dress is far too taut.

I’ll have to start my diet now
and stop eating big meals.
A shame; I’ve grown quite fond of them.
More salad, now, I feels.

It didn’t even cross my mind,
not even a little, “maybe”
Do you think that I should ask…
“Are you going to have a baby?”?

I’m sure she’s not, for they just got
a gorgeous little pup.
I wonder if they’ve mentioned her
in their legal pre-nup.

Perhaps I’m thinking far too much
about their biggest day.
I’ll just relax until it’s time
to give my girl away.

“No mayonnaise, thank you.”